The Worth of A Battle

If there's ONE THING i want to change instantly other than to let somebody come back to me, would be to cut off my OJT, and transfer to another site with this reason: While on my way up to the seemingly insurmountable boondocks of Valenica, the nature - everything around me cuts within, seems to splice my heart into pieces as some reminiscences flood down my brain stems. I've cried my heart out. AGAIN, and again, and again.

Well, work hours at Energy Development Corporation could be easily described in two words - drifting, dragging. We didn't have enough work to combat drowsiness, with the chill from cold air conditioner, switched to the lowest temperature - just as cold as how she feels for me.

This is indeed a mellow drama. My dramatically excruciating battle to win somebody back again also seemed to me as a war of my thoughts versus my heart. It was the most not-as-easy-as-it-sounds heartbreak in my life, that literally ceased my world's turn. My life stopped and i felt the need of picking up my broken self on the floor. The pain of picking my broken self down made me believe that I've expected and invested emotions toward one person all that much.

After days of battle, emotional oppression and debacle, i ceased the long fight. I laid my cards down, i threw the ball off the court, I stopped running the race in the oval, I smashed the dice, I laid the joystick down - i QUIT and shut the game off.

Just like a real-life battle, losing it was not easy. I was scathed and felt abandoned - my life brought me back to the hell i once was.

My life went on, on a different pace. I was treading on a new, changed, and different life. I still wake up early to wait for the company bus to fetch me, and like as it always was, i have no enough work to do.Finally, I bumped on a chapter of my my two-year old book entitled, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" in an unintentional and unplanned reason.

The chapter entitled, "CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY" built up my life quickly back again, that i finished reading the 100-chapter book for only two days. I read the lines, LIFE is filled with opportunities to choose between making a deal out of something or letting it go, realizing it doesn't really matter."

Lines like "Ask yourself the QUESTION, 'Will this Matter a Year from Now?'" opened my eyes into the realization I never expected myself to value so much. I realized that if I don't want to "sweat the small stuff," its critical for me to choose my battles wisely. If I do, there will come a day that I'll rarely feel the need to do the battle at all.

After everything, i closed the book on its 100th chapter and realized how much wasted effort I've invested but lost... BUT THEN, "the battle, indeed, was not worth fighting for."